Happy Birthday to me..

22 years of life... Wasted.. I realized today, when everybody wished me. Nothing made me feel better, probably I have stopped feeling anything special in me. Making it impossible for anybody to make me feel special on any day. I have lost myself somewhere, somewhere on the road I traveled through years, I picked up a lot but left myself somewhere. This world indeed is a cruel place to live in.. or probably it is my perspective today, the world is as you see it... Yes i think, my eyesight that saw the wonders and beauty of this planet has been blinded.. I am suffering from "beauty-blindness".
On second thoughts, i have nothing to be proud of and to actually look at and be happy.. What did i achieve in these 22 long years? Naught..!!
For the first 20 years, i had Hope, this demon, kept me inflated.. Made me think things that made me feel on the top of the world, but it had to end, the little pinch of reality today deflated me.. I'd no longer cling to the feeble thread of Hope. I'll rather fill my glass with a peg of hopelessness and pessimism, maybe that'll help...!!

Suddenly, the song from the  Rajesh Khanna's Blockbuster, Amar Prem is being played in my mind,

"Humne jo, dekha tha suna tha, kya batayein wo kya tha,
Sapna salona tha, Khatm to hona tha, Hua..."

A dream that ended today..

An apt date i think, 9th of August.. A day when thousands were killed in the city of Nagasaki in Japan. Probably, I should not feel happy anymore on my birthday, a day of sadness should remain so... I'd make sure that i do not celebrate this day from now onward.. That'll be my homage to the innocent souls that were ripped apart from their bodies on this black day....!!!!

So Good bye birthday celebrations....!! For the last time in my life i'd wish myself "Happy Birthday to ME."

The Rain and The Smoke

It was rising slowly, curling in a perfect circle, spreading its arms wide, dancing, swirling its way up as if in a trance, then twisting with all its might and disappearing into the thin air as if it was never there, in a second.
The constantly rising smoke from the cigarette kept in the ash tray was impatient.
The rain outside the room was splashing on the window panes. The grey day was ominous, the skies were crying it seemed. Each tear that dropped added to the pain of lonely hearts, and the love sick ones cried along. The pang of separation, the pain of loneliness, the irrevocable loss, all the emotions that churn the oceans of expression and yet stand wordless, were all lying bare today, under the wailing heavens.
And inside the room, the situation was inexplicable.
The room was a circular library, bookshelves all around reaching up to the ceiling. It was dim, all of the little light that came was from the dying fire in the fireplace. The red carpet on the floor looked redder in the reddish light.
By the fire, two lovers sat opposite to each other with an elaborately carved wooden table between them. "Lovers" belittles what they once were, and is inappropriate for what they now were.
What would you call two people who were once inseparable, but parted ways, the journey through the realms of life changed their relationship and has now brought them together again, but as enemies.
The clouds thundered, and the smoke shuddered, as the silence was broken.
"So Lisa, What is it that you've got to say?", said the deep masculine voice.

"Why?" was the whisper.

"You already know."

"No!! I don't understand Ben!!!", shrieked the feminine roar.

"Ah!! I see, Bentley doesn't appeal much, does it?"

The heavens were raging, the smoke curled up as if ready to pounce upon a prey.

"For a woman of your caliber Lisa, it shouldn't be that difficult to know..."

"Shut up, will you!! Why do you have to make things difficult for me always?"

"What is difficult? I am a criminal, and a considerably serious one, you've to put me behind bars. You are the police, I am the thief. What do we expect from each other is quite clear. There is no 'Gripping Emotion' here, is it honey?"

The gripping emotion, Lisa thought, he will never change. This is the man I love from the depths of my soul and hate from the core of my heart.
Love, thought Ben, how bravely does it survive, from the first kiss till today, and hate, how strongly it grows and inflames you like love.

The clouds were weeping silently and the smoke was calm, an omen.

Lisa rose from her chair and gripped Ben's throat.
"You can't afford to be poetic Bentley, your life and death are upon my whim right now."

"They always were Lisa", said Ben with a mocking smile. Lisa gripped the arms of his chair.
"You remember the last time we were this close. The last kiss."

"The day you left me for drugs."
"And you left me because of them."

The smoke rose as Lisa's temper.

"How about another last kiss Lisa..!!"
Ben got up, held her arms and pulled her close.
"You know, some decisions just never leave you..." the sentence was left incomplete as he kissed Lisa with such swiftness that she barely had time to respond.

She pulled herself out of his grips and looked into his eyes, they were as convincing as they were ten years ago. Then with the agility of a tigress, she pulled her pistol out and shot Ben right in his heart.

The clouds gave a final roar and the rains broke free.

She bent and kissed the corpse with all desperation. The cigarette had burnt out. The smoke rose from the barrel of the pistol, smoothly, curled and danced to the song of victory, and vanished into the thin air.