Today, while she was being carried from her cell to the social area, she walked past a mirror, a huge mirror, a brand new one that she had never seen in the past five years. It was hanging on a blackened wall. She stopped for a while, to look at the three women in the mirror. Two were khakhi-clad and the one in the middle was a strange, sullen, dead looking woman. She could not bear the sight of her and moved ahead.
She was carried to the activity area for the morning prayers in the jail. She did not like Gods, like every day she went to stand there blankly. But today, her mind was not as empty; her own face from the mirror was staring at her. Her pain was unleashed through her eyes. The swimming tears were cleaning the distant hazy images from her past. This was not the woman she’d thought she’d be.
. . . . .
It was her birthday; Ratna was sixteen years old today. She woke up, looked at the watch, it was 6’o clock.
“Happy Birthday, Ratna!” Her mother came in. She smiled. Ratna smiled back. “Come on now, get up quickly, help me prepare the breakfast, come, come get up, your father has to leave early today, it’s your brother’s Parent Teacher Meeting today. Get up and come to the kitchen soon.”
She got up and started her daily schedule of work. Nothing was special.
“Happy Birthday, Didi!” Rajeev, her brother, a year younger, wished her while she was serving the breakfast. She smiled at him and gave a quick glance towards her father, whose expression remained unchanged.
“So what would they do in your school today, at my school, they give cards to us on birthdays and cakes too.” said Rajeev.
“Oh! Nothing grand, they’ll just sing me songs. It’s not a big school like yours; they don’t give gifts to students”, said Ratna, in an indifferent voice.
“Stop it, stop sulking about everything. How could you be sent to a big school, don’t you know the family conditions, we can afford only one kid in that fancy school, and how can you not see that your brother’s education is far more important. He’ll be the breadwinner of the family; you’ll just cook and raise kids why do you need a fancy school?”
“Come on son, let’s go, we’re getting late”, said the father.
The father and son left, Ratna suppressed a sob.
. . . . .
“Mummy, where are you? I’m home?”
“Oh! Ratna, what took you so long? Come, come in quick, I need you to be dressed up quickly, I’ve kept the saree for you on your bed, wear it, I’ll just come in a while.”
“But, mummy, what is the need of wearing a saree? What is special?”
“Did I not tell you? Your groom and his family are coming to see their bride, you’re getting married.”
“What would I do in front of them? They’ll be strangers; I don’t like strangers’ mummy.”
. . . . .
Ratna was on a bed of flowers, waiting for the unknown man who was now her husband, her new master.
Her heart was throbbing, mind was swarming with questions.
What is he going to do to me?
She was sacred.
Sex! Her throat went dry;
Mother told me about it. But I did not like it; I am not ready for it. Naked with a stranger, how could I do that?
Ratna was shivering. Strangers scared her.
I’ll try to ask him not to do it. I will talk. After all husbands are humans.
But she had never talked to a boy, her mother asked her not to, she was uncomfortable with boys, and this was a full grown twenty five-year-old man.
“God please help me!” her whispering prayers might not have reached God when the doors opened.
. . . . .
“Mummy please, I can’t stay there please, please I’ll die. I don’t want to go back please, please don’t send me please mummy please... please… please….”
Ratna was begging in front of her mother.
“But, why Ratna, why do you not want to go? Tomorrow is the muhurtam, he’ll come to take you back, and he’s your husband.”
“He’s not good mummy…”
“Shut up Ratna, Husbands should be respected; he’s your master, your God, you shouldn’t say anything against him, that’s adharma for a lawful wife.”
“No mummy I don’t like him…”
“You refuse to tell me the reason, and I cannot do anything you have to like him, you have to spend your life with him.”
“Mummy he raped me…”
“Shut up you fool, don’t say that aloud ever! Sex is a husband’s right and a wife’s duty. He can’t rape you, stranger rapes, husband has sex. Besides, you have to give him what he demands. That’s what wives are for. Do not argue anymore. Pack your clothes. Get ready to go tomorrow.”
Her mother turned and went back.
“But he is a stranger mummy, I don’t know him”, said Ratna in a muffled tearful voice.
. . . . .
“Mummy, daddy has come. He is very angry. ” said a little girl.
“Don’t worry baby, you go out and play with your brother, I’ll go and have a look.”
Ratna left the kitchen and went to the bed room.
He was in a bad state.
“You’re drunk again, after all those promises last week, you’re drunk again? You never care about the kids, do you?”
“You’ll teach me how to live in my own house you whore! I know what you need.”
He stood up; staggering went up to Ratna and slapped her.
“You’re a demon!” shouted Ratna, she was neither shocked, nor tearful, this was routine.
“Do you think I’m scared of this? No I’m not, you’ll have to stop all this else…”
“What, else you bitch, you’re scaring me? You live on the money I earn, I’m your husband.”
As soon as Ratna opened her mouth, she was slapped again, and again and again, and she fell, a kick, she screamed, he pulled her hair and she screamed, he banged her face on the wall. She screamed, and her head was banged again. She fell, and her husband was walking back to the bed.
Her head was bursting with pain. But, she was not losing her consciousness, strangely enough she had a courage building up inside her, she stood up and picked up the vase from the corner table and struck him with all her might and strength.
The vase broke, and the room was filled with the screams of the demon. He fell with a thud.
. . . . .
The prayer songs were over and the prisoners were being sent to their cells, two constables again came to her, to take her away to her cell. Unlike the others she never said anything, never reacted to anything.
Today again she was sitting in the corner.
As she saw the guards she stood up, hiding a stone in her saree. She went with them, on her way back. She again went past that mirror she had seen. She stood there again, watched her reflection for a while and then with a scream, threw the stone towards the mirror. It shattered with a loud noise. The guards pulled her back with a jerk.
Ratna still did not like strangers.
The roots of anguish that run into the depths of my existence will not be eradicated merely by a whiff of mirth.
When I looked up to the sky for Hope, to find a God, you dropped fire,
When you lived in palaces, I spent my nights in forbidden alleys,
