22 years of life... Wasted.. I realized today, when everybody wished me. Nothing made me feel better, probably I have stopped feeling anything special in me. Making it impossible for anybody to make me feel special on any day. I have lost myself somewhere, somewhere on the road I traveled through years, I picked up a lot but left myself somewhere. This world indeed is a cruel place to live in.. or probably it is my perspective today, the world is as you see it... Yes i think, my eyesight that saw the wonders and beauty of this planet has been blinded.. I am suffering from "beauty-blindness".
On second thoughts, i have nothing to be proud of and to actually look at and be happy.. What did i achieve in these 22 long years? Naught..!!
For the first 20 years, i had Hope, this demon, kept me inflated.. Made me think things that made me feel on the top of the world, but it had to end, the little pinch of reality today deflated me.. I'd no longer cling to the feeble thread of Hope. I'll rather fill my glass with a peg of hopelessness and pessimism, maybe that'll help...!!
Suddenly, the song from the Rajesh Khanna's Blockbuster, Amar Prem is being played in my mind,
"Humne jo, dekha tha suna tha, kya batayein wo kya tha,
Sapna salona tha, Khatm to hona tha, Hua..."
A dream that ended today..
An apt date i think, 9th of August.. A day when thousands were killed in the city of Nagasaki in Japan. Probably, I should not feel happy anymore on my birthday, a day of sadness should remain so... I'd make sure that i do not celebrate this day from now onward.. That'll be my homage to the innocent souls that were ripped apart from their bodies on this black day....!!!!
.jpg)
So Good bye birthday celebrations....!! For the last time in my life i'd wish myself "Happy Birthday to ME."
On second thoughts, i have nothing to be proud of and to actually look at and be happy.. What did i achieve in these 22 long years? Naught..!!
For the first 20 years, i had Hope, this demon, kept me inflated.. Made me think things that made me feel on the top of the world, but it had to end, the little pinch of reality today deflated me.. I'd no longer cling to the feeble thread of Hope. I'll rather fill my glass with a peg of hopelessness and pessimism, maybe that'll help...!!
Suddenly, the song from the Rajesh Khanna's Blockbuster, Amar Prem is being played in my mind,
"Humne jo, dekha tha suna tha, kya batayein wo kya tha,
Sapna salona tha, Khatm to hona tha, Hua..."
A dream that ended today..
An apt date i think, 9th of August.. A day when thousands were killed in the city of Nagasaki in Japan. Probably, I should not feel happy anymore on my birthday, a day of sadness should remain so... I'd make sure that i do not celebrate this day from now onward.. That'll be my homage to the innocent souls that were ripped apart from their bodies on this black day....!!!!
.jpg)
So Good bye birthday celebrations....!! For the last time in my life i'd wish myself "Happy Birthday to ME."
When I read the post, it reminded me of my own feelings. I turn 21 in two days and I am not at all excited about it. Even I vowed never to celebrate my birthdays but then weird things started happening, all my friends seem to be excited about my birthday more than me. My parents keep asking me what I have planned for my birthday. They keep pushing me into buying things for myself on my birthday. I just realized there are people who are happy that I was born, no matter how much I have achieved or rather failed to achieve. I said to myself, I will not celebrate my birthdays from now on, but I can not deprive these people, especially my parents, from this happiness.
ReplyDeleteAnd who knows, maybe this is one of the periods of life full of chaos but preceding a great change.
I am not trying to change your view about your birthday or anything, all I am trying to say is if life is so hard already, why do WE bring more trouble down on ourselves by hitting the self-destruct button?
NO matter how you feel, there is always someone who looks up to you. There is a task which would never finish without you. You know what you are suffering from, time to put an end to it. The world has always been a cruel place and will continue to be. After all, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.
Having said that, a very happy birthday to you.I hope you find your new dreams and the enthusiasm to fulfill them :) ~M
Thanx a lotttt.....!!!!! I now understand the perspective, i need to give myself a jolt of positiveness.. and i'll make sure i do that...!!!! Thanxx a million for your wishes, and for giving me your time.. Time is money they say..!!! And please do let me know your identity, i'll be glad...!!! :) thanxx again.. :)
ReplyDelete“For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.” ~M
ReplyDeleteAnd that too a woman of substance..!!!! Thanx a lottt....!!! And with due respect to your anonymity no further questions..!!! And thanx fr that message "M"...!!! :)
Delete