Happy Birthday to me..

22 years of life... Wasted.. I realized today, when everybody wished me. Nothing made me feel better, probably I have stopped feeling anything special in me. Making it impossible for anybody to make me feel special on any day. I have lost myself somewhere, somewhere on the road I traveled through years, I picked up a lot but left myself somewhere. This world indeed is a cruel place to live in.. or probably it is my perspective today, the world is as you see it... Yes i think, my eyesight that saw the wonders and beauty of this planet has been blinded.. I am suffering from "beauty-blindness".
On second thoughts, i have nothing to be proud of and to actually look at and be happy.. What did i achieve in these 22 long years? Naught..!!
For the first 20 years, i had Hope, this demon, kept me inflated.. Made me think things that made me feel on the top of the world, but it had to end, the little pinch of reality today deflated me.. I'd no longer cling to the feeble thread of Hope. I'll rather fill my glass with a peg of hopelessness and pessimism, maybe that'll help...!!

Suddenly, the song from the  Rajesh Khanna's Blockbuster, Amar Prem is being played in my mind,

"Humne jo, dekha tha suna tha, kya batayein wo kya tha,
Sapna salona tha, Khatm to hona tha, Hua..."

A dream that ended today..

An apt date i think, 9th of August.. A day when thousands were killed in the city of Nagasaki in Japan. Probably, I should not feel happy anymore on my birthday, a day of sadness should remain so... I'd make sure that i do not celebrate this day from now onward.. That'll be my homage to the innocent souls that were ripped apart from their bodies on this black day....!!!!

So Good bye birthday celebrations....!! For the last time in my life i'd wish myself "Happy Birthday to ME."

The Rain and The Smoke

It was rising slowly, curling in a perfect circle, spreading its arms wide, dancing, swirling its way up as if in a trance, then twisting with all its might and disappearing into the thin air as if it was never there, in a second.
The constantly rising smoke from the cigarette kept in the ash tray was impatient.
The rain outside the room was splashing on the window panes. The grey day was ominous, the skies were crying it seemed. Each tear that dropped added to the pain of lonely hearts, and the love sick ones cried along. The pang of separation, the pain of loneliness, the irrevocable loss, all the emotions that churn the oceans of expression and yet stand wordless, were all lying bare today, under the wailing heavens.
And inside the room, the situation was inexplicable.
The room was a circular library, bookshelves all around reaching up to the ceiling. It was dim, all of the little light that came was from the dying fire in the fireplace. The red carpet on the floor looked redder in the reddish light.
By the fire, two lovers sat opposite to each other with an elaborately carved wooden table between them. "Lovers" belittles what they once were, and is inappropriate for what they now were.
What would you call two people who were once inseparable, but parted ways, the journey through the realms of life changed their relationship and has now brought them together again, but as enemies.
The clouds thundered, and the smoke shuddered, as the silence was broken.
"So Lisa, What is it that you've got to say?", said the deep masculine voice.

"Why?" was the whisper.

"You already know."

"No!! I don't understand Ben!!!", shrieked the feminine roar.

"Ah!! I see, Bentley doesn't appeal much, does it?"

The heavens were raging, the smoke curled up as if ready to pounce upon a prey.

"For a woman of your caliber Lisa, it shouldn't be that difficult to know..."

"Shut up, will you!! Why do you have to make things difficult for me always?"

"What is difficult? I am a criminal, and a considerably serious one, you've to put me behind bars. You are the police, I am the thief. What do we expect from each other is quite clear. There is no 'Gripping Emotion' here, is it honey?"

The gripping emotion, Lisa thought, he will never change. This is the man I love from the depths of my soul and hate from the core of my heart.
Love, thought Ben, how bravely does it survive, from the first kiss till today, and hate, how strongly it grows and inflames you like love.

The clouds were weeping silently and the smoke was calm, an omen.

Lisa rose from her chair and gripped Ben's throat.
"You can't afford to be poetic Bentley, your life and death are upon my whim right now."

"They always were Lisa", said Ben with a mocking smile. Lisa gripped the arms of his chair.
"You remember the last time we were this close. The last kiss."

"The day you left me for drugs."
"And you left me because of them."

The smoke rose as Lisa's temper.

"How about another last kiss Lisa..!!"
Ben got up, held her arms and pulled her close.
"You know, some decisions just never leave you..." the sentence was left incomplete as he kissed Lisa with such swiftness that she barely had time to respond.

She pulled herself out of his grips and looked into his eyes, they were as convincing as they were ten years ago. Then with the agility of a tigress, she pulled her pistol out and shot Ben right in his heart.

The clouds gave a final roar and the rains broke free.

She bent and kissed the corpse with all desperation. The cigarette had burnt out. The smoke rose from the barrel of the pistol, smoothly, curled and danced to the song of victory, and vanished into the thin air.

Satyamev Jayate; The story of the "Indian Woman."

I picked up the news paper, lazily, early in the morning. Yawning, i sat on the comfortable sofa, and started shuffling through the pages. As I moved on to the national news section of The Times of India, I read the Headlines,


"A Gang Rape in a Shopping Mall"
I was shocked out of my wits. Though, I'm used to reading news about rapes, yet, what shocked me was, that the heinous crime happened in a mall..!! If a place so full of people can not render safety to a woman, then where else in our country is safe?
I mean, rape in a damned mall!!!!! 


The feminist in me was raging.
 As the day move on, I switched on the T.V. and again saw another example of women-hatred, as I watched SATYAMEV JAYATE, (a new television series, hosted by Amir Khan). He showed us the truth of Female foeticide in our country. I was shaken by the revelations of those women. A doctor was forced to abort her twins and when she refused and her kids were born, her little daughter was kicked down the stairs by her mother-in-law, who is not an uneducated lady, but a retired vice-principal of a school. I was almost in tears..

This is the truth of our nation, I have started believing in Shobha De, that we are, indeed a Girl Hating Nation. A society that has not given women, humane treatment since centuries.
(Shobha De- The Death of a Baby Girl)

Each day, I see, in front of my very own eyes, how everybody demeans girls. A few stories are permanently imprinted on my mind, women who suffered through out their lives, the eternal pang of being a woman in India.


What happens in a normal middle class Indian family when a girl is born?
Well, iff, by the grace of her parents, if she is born, (female foetal killing rates are so high, it is a mischance that a girl is born.) she is shunned by her parents, the ones who have to raise her up, who should give her all their love, gift her abandonment. Seldom, is a girl child's birth celebrated in our country. Then she grows up to be a "no-one" who does not know how or what her life would be. But she still would be the world famous "Indian Woman".
Parents never prefer to invest much in the girls education, reasons;
*it is better, for sure, to save for the sons inheritance, the girl would be married to some one else, would neither carry the "family name" (which the Indians are so obsessed with), nor would she support the family financially, once married (because the in-laws do not wish that their daughters-in-law maintain any kind of healthy relationship with her own family members as that would deprive their son from having the upper hand, if the girl has support, she'll speak out, so better gag her.)
*the next reason being a difficulty to raise a daughter (the tagged goddess) in our nation. She can not roam about in the town alone, some one needs to accompany her wherever she goes, she can not help her ailing mother late at the night because if she steps out of her house during the night hours someone will surely rape her (in 9/10 cases). She can not wear what she wishes, can not talk as she wants, so many rules to be imposed, what a difficulty!! And if some miscreant rapes her, the society abuses her, no one would marry her and the parents will have to carry her as the result of their "misdeeds". Honestly, who would take such a risk...!!!!
The girl child in a normal Indian family is an unnecessary baggage.


And if by God's unexpected grace, the daughter grows up "Clean and Pure" and is married off to some "deserving guy", then starts another ordeal. The "Husband" the "God", expects the wife to subservient because in this part of the world, the male rules (an absolute Patriarchy). Female is meant just to do the odd jobs, give physical pleasures, serve, rear kids and remain an unknown name, and if she earns, then to deposit her income in her husband's lap. 
She is not allowed to speak, neither against, nor for.
If she has any amount of "Self Respect" she is damned, for sure.
Her own parents and family are a no-one in her "Home Sweet Home", it is almost an injustice to expect the husband to accept the wife's part of family as his own.
Then the woman's life moves on, she gives birth to a son, who sees all going around him and grows up to be just the same, like his father.
She has a daughter, who has to suffer the same fate, as her mother never knew that daughters can have any different life, she is reared as per the rule book that her mother inherited.
The woman then grows old, whatever happened in her life, runs in her blood, she is ready to be the monstrous "mother-in-law" for her son's wife and in her daughter her fate relieved.
And so goes on the cycle...!!


The question is, how do we stop it?
Is there a way?? 


Yes, we can make laws, but since when did laws start changing the world??
What we need to do, is to dig into the foundations of the problem!!
All of this happens due to our social set up which is heavily patriarchal. What we need, is a radical change, a revolution to uproot this tradition.
A girl child too carries her mother and father in her genes just like the male child does. If she is biologically carrying the inheritance why is not she allowed to carry her identity in the physical world?
A family that is raised by the husband and wife, belongs to the man and, EQUALLY, to the woman. Then, why is she the property of her husband?? She is a separate individual, a separate identity, and the people must understand this.

To teach all this, the "warriors of change" need to wake up.
The mothers need to wake up, and stop differentiating between their kids. What your kids see, is what they imbibe. Teach your son, that the girls are as important as they are. Teach the daughters that they have equal rights as the boys do. 
The fathers need to wake up, and start expecting from their daughters as much as they do from their sons. Stop telling them that they have to go to some one else's house and live. They are a part of you.
The young Girls need to wake up and educate themselves, stop thinking that someone somewhere is earning for them. 
If you are getting married, choose a person who thinks you are a human and is proud of you, who doesn't try to overpower you. Keep your maiden names if you are married, that is something you were born with, your identity, your individuality. I know that it is symbolic, but for these symbolic keep-sakes, the people are killing girls. Do not expect a different and sympathetic treatment because you are a girl, be a "human" first, then a lady, that is when you'll get equality.
The young Boys need to wake up and know that a girl is equal to you. She is not dumb, she can do maths, neither is she powerless. She is as good as you and can be as bad as you.
The young men need to know, stop the chivalrous treatment, do not open the doors for your woman, neither do you have to pull the chairs or pay the bills always, the woman can do that, and empower her so that she is able to do that. Tell her that she drives better, tell her you'd be proud if she gets a promotion. If you are going to get married, then be ready to accept her whole family as your own, she too is doing it. Change a little yourself too, do not expect her to be the one adjusting, she already has do it.

And finally, to the parents, 
Stop treating your girls like dolls, because Dolls are meant to be played with. 
Neither make the girl a "Goddess", it is impossible for humans to raise a goddess, easy to raise a daughter.
Treat them like "humans first", that is where the reform begins.


Signing off...
Sriti...